You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
