Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
