Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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