My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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