3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
