he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
