My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
