Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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