I didn't shave. On purpose
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
