from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
