All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
