you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
