Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
