i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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