Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
