I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
