i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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