Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
