youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
