you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
