I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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