I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
