Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
