fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
