He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
