exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
