So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
