I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
