Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
