Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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