FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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