No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
