You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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