Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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