Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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