That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
