omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
