I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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