Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
