you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
