ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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