so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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