either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
