I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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