I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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