i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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