I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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