Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
