is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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