tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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