I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
