I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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